Still Here

So, I’m still here. Mostly settled into my new place physically, but I’m a mess emotionally. For so many reasons, I’m very unsure about any sort of possibly romantic attachments. I mean, it’s a lot to throw out there at once and I feel like I’m being dishonest if I don’t go with full disclosure- “Hi, older overweight totally non-passing transgirl dying of a disabling heart condition, here. Nice to meet you!”. I could just present as male, but, again, that’s really dishonest.So, finding anyone is a challenge. And again, not sure if I want anyone. I know I feel some loneliness, but I don’t think I’m ready to open myself up to anything emotionally. It’s a tough spot to be in.

On the bright side, though, I do have a little more financial flexibility. Not a whole lot, but some. I’m pulling the trigger on shaving my beard by the end of the month and trying to learn basic makeup techniques. If I can get a few pictures that show me as feminine as I feel, I’d be ecstatic. Of course, there’s the risk that it won’t have much impact and I’ll be discouraged. *sigh*

Dr’s appt yesterday. I’m going back on low-level depression and anxiety meds, at least for a little while. I hope it smooths out the spikes of anxiety and low-level panic I’ve been dealing with lately.


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