Category: Uncategorized

Checking In

I have no topic here tonight. I have no flashy insight. It’s been almost 2 weeks since the last post, so, I should at least check in.

Got some bloodwork back- all looks good; estradiol climbing, T barely existent. Went to a wonderful holiday party last night at the transgender support center down in Charlotte. I feel called to volunteer there. I’m looking forward to it immensely.


Still Here

So, I’m still here. Mostly settled into my new place physically, but I’m a mess emotionally. For so many reasons, I’m very unsure about any sort of possibly romantic attachments. I mean, it’s a lot to throw out there at once and I feel like I’m being dishonest if I don’t go with full disclosure- “Hi, older overweight totally non-passing transgirl dying of a disabling heart condition, here. Nice to meet you!”. I could just present as male, but, again, that’s really dishonest.So, finding anyone is a challenge. And again, not sure if I want anyone. I know I feel some loneliness, but I don’t think I’m ready to open myself up to anything emotionally. It’s a tough spot to be in.

On the bright side, though, I do have a little more financial flexibility. Not a whole lot, but some. I’m pulling the trigger on shaving my beard by the end of the month and trying to learn basic makeup techniques. If I can get a few pictures that show me as feminine as I feel, I’d be ecstatic. Of course, there’s the risk that it won’t have much impact and I’ll be discouraged. *sigh*

Dr’s appt yesterday. I’m going back on low-level depression and anxiety meds, at least for a little while. I hope it smooths out the spikes of anxiety and low-level panic I’ve been dealing with lately.


So my partner and I have come to a place where we will be better off in separate places. The stress of trying to take care of each others medical needs is just too much for a relationship to bear. It’s bittersweet, but I think it’s the right thing for us.